Men, pay attention:
1. When we compare ourselves to a fat cow, say nothing.
2. If you say you'll do something, do it.
3. We often think with our vaginas, much like you often think with your penis.
4. We love surprises because it shows that you cared enough to put some thought behind it.
5. We appreciate that you're protective, but don't act like our father.
6. Oral sex is your get-out-of-jail-free card. New shoes will also work.
7. It's cheating as soon as you do something you wouldn't want her to see, read, hear...
8. "Fine" is never an appropriate response when we ask "How do I look?"
9. Sometimes we like to be the big spoon. Let us hold you now and then.
10. When you say you'll contact us, we expect you to.
11. We can handle the truth, so don't lie to us under the guise that you're "protecting" us.
12. You did something bad. I seem ok with it. I'm not. Please see #6 above.
13. We always notice when you check out other girls. You're not that sly.
14. Wearing jeans with holes big enough to put your fist through are not appropriate for a family gathering.
15. Discussions about the ex-bf/ex-gf should be avoided at all times.
16. We love when you spend time with your mother, but not every waking second.
17. We appreciate good hygiene.
18. We are well aware when we're being bitchy, but it's in your best interest to not point it out.
19. We will use any excuse we can to touch you in public.
20. Affection should not have an ulterior motive. Sometimes it should stop at a simple kiss and a hug.
All simple enough, right?
My favorite is #8!! Except Steve's word is "great". Not what you want to hear after getting ready for over an hour! Lol.
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